Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Monday, March 17, 2008 R.I.P. Easter Bunny
The Easter Bunny showed up early at my house last night. I was awakened around 4:00am this morning to my dogs shuffling around under my bed making a lot of crunching noises. When we got up to see what the hell was going on, we discovered them feasting on a rabbit that they had sectioned & strewn all under the bed. GROSS!!!!! I then had to clean up the entire mess, piece by piece. Now I'm so tired from lack of sleep & just grossed out from the horror of it all....
Note to self: No Easter basket for the dogs this year....
Note to self: No Easter basket for the dogs this year....
Thursday, September 06, 2007 Hillbilly Heaven Tennessee
Over the Labor Day weekend, Craig & I drove to Tennessee for a little fun. We stayed in a great little cabin with a jacuzzi that was in the Smoky Mountains. The place was fantastic & much cheaper than staying in a motel in the tourist trap areas of Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge. It took us about 15 hours to get there, alternating driving. Before we got to the cabin, we drove thru the Great Smoky Mountains National Park & got a few pics. The forest is so lush and green with a smoky haze throughout the mountainside.
On Saturday, we went to Dollywood, Dolly Parton's famous theme park in Pigeon Forge. Dolly's park is so fantastic! It completely exceeded my expectations. The park is extremely themed, unlike most other "theme" parks I've been to. There are not as many rides as at other parks, but the ones that are there delivered like Dominoe's. The natural terrain & trees help to hide the rides, keeping the ride experience a secret until your strapped in, which made for ultra thrills!
Here's a pic of a flowerbed at the entrance to the park. It's Dolly's signature butterfly, but if you ask me it looks like Dolly's "major assets."
Craig & I playing around in a coffin...
The Mystery Mine ride was totally fierce! I've never been on a coaster quite like this. It's a mine ride that starts off inside, bolts you outside into some corkscrews & inversions, goes back inside fro some scary theatrics, then finally drops you straight down back outside for dizzying loops of fury! We ended up riding it 3 times that day.
The water rides were a lot of fun too, but we actually didn't get as wet as the other riders...
The water rides were a lot of fun too, but we actually didn't get as wet as the other riders...
Thunderhead was a great wood coaster. It was FAST & smooth for being of wood construction.
Now, the Tennessee Tornado is what blew me away. It's a fast coaster & it's over before you even know what hit you. It starts by taking you up a steep incline, banks a good curve, then drops 128 feet down into a tunnel, which completely disorients & scares the hell out of you! As so as you come out of the tunnel, you're catapulted thru a huge vertical loop, an inverted corkscrew, then into Dolly's Iron Butterfly. That consists of 2 helix loops that look like the under wire of Dolly's bra! You're immediately back in the station & in a state of shock. We had so much fun that we rode it 5 times!
We went to the Dolly Parton Museum while in the park too. The had so much Dolly, I felt like I needed a Bedazzler!
My favorite part was the 9 to 5 display, of course. It had her outfits & some props from the movie. It even had the pencils knocked all on the floor. The one thing that was missing was the box of Skinny-N-Sweet. (Or Rid-O-Rat, which looks just like Skinny-N-Sweet, except for the little skull & crossbones on the label...)
They also had a screen where you could try on virtual Dolly wigs!
Pigeon Forge is a complete tourist trap. It consists of all kinds of country musical shows, go-karts, overpriced crap stores, magic acts, and PANCAKE HOUSES. There were so many fucking pancake houses that I thought that it must be the state food! I got some pics of a few of them, but there must have been about 50 in a 6 block area.
While I'm on the topic of Pigeon Forge, we have to talk about the people. Besides pancakes, apparently the other major food group is Crystal Meth... I have never seen so many emaciated, tatted up hillbillies with no front teeth. It was filled with methed out, white, redneck prison looking guys with extremely obese wives & skinny kids with their tongues sticking through the giant gap in their jaws. Dead fucking sexy!!!! We even saw this guy at a gas station who was working his tongue into overtime during his crystal rush in mid afternoon.... In town it was so white that any other ethnicities stood out like a bastard at a family reunion. It was down right creepy since we're not used to that at all in Dallas.
While I'm on the topic of Pigeon Forge, we have to talk about the people. Besides pancakes, apparently the other major food group is Crystal Meth... I have never seen so many emaciated, tatted up hillbillies with no front teeth. It was filled with methed out, white, redneck prison looking guys with extremely obese wives & skinny kids with their tongues sticking through the giant gap in their jaws. Dead fucking sexy!!!! We even saw this guy at a gas station who was working his tongue into overtime during his crystal rush in mid afternoon.... In town it was so white that any other ethnicities stood out like a bastard at a family reunion. It was down right creepy since we're not used to that at all in Dallas.
On Sunday we went horseback riding thru the mountains. That was a lot of fun, but also scary because the trail is very narrow & drops off down the mountain on one side. Our guide was so hillbilly & had a lot of stories to tell us about various places he's worked over the years. One place he worked was in New York, giving rides to Fire Island for people who had missed the last ferry. I told him that I was going to Fire Island at the end of the month & he told me to stay away from Cherry Grove because that's where the drag queens are. Hmmmm. I left it at that & didn't happen to mention that I'd actually being staying with friends at Cherry Grove, one of which IS a drag queen! LOL.
Later that day we went hiking in the forest to a place called Laurel Falls. It was a beautiful hike & the falls were gorgeous. I said earlier that in town it was totally white, but when we got into the forest, it was inundated with people from the middle east, especially India. Hundreds of them hiking & taking pictures. It was so jarring in comparison to being in town or at Dollywood. I had no idea that the Smoky Mountains held a holy place for such a pilgrimage. LOL. I decided that I needed to get in a zen-like state & take a picture mediating on a rock. During my snapshot I got caught by an Indian lady who just stopped & nicely said "That is a nice pose." BUSTED!!!
We drove back on Monday & stopped outside of Nashville to see Craig's dad. It was great visiting with him & his family since we don't get to see them that often. Then it was time for the rest of the 15 hour drive home... We didn't make it back until after 2am.... Glad to be back from the land of Dolly, but will definitely go back again!
There are lots more pics that you can see here: http://s58.photobucket.com/albums/g252/springparkslasher/Tennessee/
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 Workin' 9 to 5
Tomorrow, Craig & I are driving to Tennessee for Labor Day weekend. We rented a cute little cabin in the Smoky Mountains near Pigeon Forge. I've never been there before, but Craig has always told me it's a complete tourist trap & that everyone should go at least once. After all, Pigeon Forge is the land of Dolly Parton!!!
We'll be going to Dollywood, Dolly's own country theme park. I know she won't be there, but it would be fantastic if she were. I hope to get some sort of 9 to 5 souvenir while I'm there, cuz I fucking love Doralee Rhodes! We'll also be exploring the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and go horseback riding. We also hope to go whitewater rafting down the Pigeon River, if the water level permits due to recent drought conditions.
In the meantime, we still have 2 more days here at work.
What a way to make a livin'!
Monday, May 14, 2007 Boobs & Tubes (or where's my drivers license?)
This weekend Craig’s sister Casey graduated from Texas State University in San Marcos, TX. We drove down to New Braunfels on Friday & stayed at The Hideout on the Horseshoe cabins located right on the Guadalupe River. The cabins were really nice & cozy. We had rented three cabins to house all of us… Let’s see, there was Craig & I, Ron & JoEl, Casey, Brennan & Courtney, Michael & his wife & daughter, Patrick & his wife & 3 kids, and Casey’s friends Annie, Diana, Elaine, Sam, Chris, Aaron, Jonathan, & Jason. OK, that makes 23…
Friday night we hung out on the balcony, made fajitas, drank a lot, & got to catch up with everyone that we haven’t seen in a while. JoEl was playing drinking games with Casey & her friends. Michael kept playing this raunchy song called “Titty Bangin’” by Bob Schneider over & over.
Saturday morning we drove the graduation ceremony. It was a nice ceremony, a bit long, but nice. Afterwards we all met outside to get some pictures on the campus lawn. Congratulations Casey!!!!
On Sunday we headed back toward home & stopped at my mom’s house. It was Mother’s Day as well as her birthday. I had sent her flowers for Mother’s Day & I got her a picnic pack for her birthday so she can use it on her history & cemetery travels. Happy Mom Day & Birthday, mom!!!!!
It was a great weekend & we all had a fun time. Now I think we all need a couple days of rest. And my leg still fucking hurts…
Friday night we hung out on the balcony, made fajitas, drank a lot, & got to catch up with everyone that we haven’t seen in a while. JoEl was playing drinking games with Casey & her friends. Michael kept playing this raunchy song called “Titty Bangin’” by Bob Schneider over & over.
Saturday morning we drove the graduation ceremony. It was a nice ceremony, a bit long, but nice. Afterwards we all met outside to get some pictures on the campus lawn. Congratulations Casey!!!!
We then headed back to the cabins & made ham, turkey, & pesto panini sandwiches for lunch. They were soooo good! We then got ready to go tubing down the river. We all signed our waivers & got loaded onto the buses to take us up river. We were dropped off at the start of the horseshoe & floated back down to the cabins. It took about 1 ½ hours. There were some mild rapids, but mostly it was pretty smooth. Casey brought tons of beer & Jello shots. By the time we got back, everyone was feeling pretty fancy. Once we got back we decided to go again, so about half the group took the bus back up river again. This time we got to hear a story about one of Craig’s brothers. Several years ago 2 of the brothers were out having a good time picking up girls in a Dallas nightclub when one of them suddenly had to go to the bathroom. They searched for an open bathroom, but once they got through a long line, the toilet was out in the open, not even a stall. So they went looking for another bathroom, then after a while he said that the feeling had passed & they went back to the chick hunt. All of a sudden the one brother disappears. He shows back up a while later & announces that they have to leave right now. They get out to the parking lot & he has crapped himself. But even worse, he has shit all over his clothes, his hands, his face, & pretty much everywhere else. Apparently he had tried to rip off the soiled underwear & made the whole situation worse. The other brother kept teasing him, which caused the shitty brother to chase him around with the soiled underwear… OK, gross story, but it was fucking funny at the time…
Anyway, after that story, 2 freaky hick guys wearing army helmets came up to guys in a small boat. They somehow convinced Sam to tie her tube to their boat so they could give her a ride. I’m all thinking “that’s probably not such a good idea!” So she ties onto them & they start off & keep going & going until we can’t even see them anymore. We all got panicky for a while thinking she could have just become a kidnap victim. They finally brought her back after about 15 minutes & kept joking about how we could have her back for $40. We’re all like WTF!?!?!? She finally untied herself from the boat & rejoined our group. We finally get back to the shore & most everyone heads back up to the cabin. During this time I was walking through the water & slipped on the rocks & busted my shin... OUCH!!! That fucking hurt. Casey, Annie, & Sam decide to stay behind & keep drinking on the river. Craig & I start carrying the tubes back up the stairs when we meet a girl from one of the other cabins. We said hello & asked how she was doing. She just went off on this whole story about how her boyfriend will not give her any cock & she is totally mad at him. She then tells us that her boyfriend has been flirting with a friend of hers the whole trip. In fact her friend had hid her driver’s license somewhere on her body & asked the guy to find it for her. He did find it & it was in her panties. The girl said that her friend may do that, but that she was not going to hide her DL in her pussy just so her boyfriend could swipe it like an ATM. Keep in mind that we’ve never met her before, she using very descriptive conversation, & suddenly we know way too much about her vagina at this point, as well as her boyfriend & slutty friend’s business. Craig & I were flipping out on this kooz! She went on & on about the whole pussy thing until we got back to the cabins. At this point she made sure to ask Craig & I to drop by later for drinks. UMMM NO!!! We got back & told everyone about the girl & Michael made the comment that being with her would be like “swinging a baseball bat in a 3 car garage.” EEEWWWWWW!!! I went back down to check on Casey & tell her about it. I’m sitting there talking to the girls & I noticed that Sam’s top had come undone & her nipple was hanging out right in front of me. I alerted her to the exposure & had her promptly put it away. The got out of their tubes & they slipped & fell in a pile. They looked like a pile of fish flailing around on the shore.
The rest of the night was a lot of fun. We just hung out & had barbeque & beers. We also got to hear why Jonathan is called “The Clapper.” Apparently he has a special talent that we were not aware of. His friends call him “The Clapper” because he can make his balls slap against his ass by swing back & forth so it makes a loud clapping sound. I don’t know how low your inhibitions have to get before you feel the need to share this talent with a group of friends, but apparently it can happen. On many occasions, so I was told. Although, this weekend, we did not get to witness his skills…. Pity…
Anyway, after that story, 2 freaky hick guys wearing army helmets came up to guys in a small boat. They somehow convinced Sam to tie her tube to their boat so they could give her a ride. I’m all thinking “that’s probably not such a good idea!” So she ties onto them & they start off & keep going & going until we can’t even see them anymore. We all got panicky for a while thinking she could have just become a kidnap victim. They finally brought her back after about 15 minutes & kept joking about how we could have her back for $40. We’re all like WTF!?!?!? She finally untied herself from the boat & rejoined our group. We finally get back to the shore & most everyone heads back up to the cabin. During this time I was walking through the water & slipped on the rocks & busted my shin... OUCH!!! That fucking hurt. Casey, Annie, & Sam decide to stay behind & keep drinking on the river. Craig & I start carrying the tubes back up the stairs when we meet a girl from one of the other cabins. We said hello & asked how she was doing. She just went off on this whole story about how her boyfriend will not give her any cock & she is totally mad at him. She then tells us that her boyfriend has been flirting with a friend of hers the whole trip. In fact her friend had hid her driver’s license somewhere on her body & asked the guy to find it for her. He did find it & it was in her panties. The girl said that her friend may do that, but that she was not going to hide her DL in her pussy just so her boyfriend could swipe it like an ATM. Keep in mind that we’ve never met her before, she using very descriptive conversation, & suddenly we know way too much about her vagina at this point, as well as her boyfriend & slutty friend’s business. Craig & I were flipping out on this kooz! She went on & on about the whole pussy thing until we got back to the cabins. At this point she made sure to ask Craig & I to drop by later for drinks. UMMM NO!!! We got back & told everyone about the girl & Michael made the comment that being with her would be like “swinging a baseball bat in a 3 car garage.” EEEWWWWWW!!! I went back down to check on Casey & tell her about it. I’m sitting there talking to the girls & I noticed that Sam’s top had come undone & her nipple was hanging out right in front of me. I alerted her to the exposure & had her promptly put it away. The got out of their tubes & they slipped & fell in a pile. They looked like a pile of fish flailing around on the shore.
The rest of the night was a lot of fun. We just hung out & had barbeque & beers. We also got to hear why Jonathan is called “The Clapper.” Apparently he has a special talent that we were not aware of. His friends call him “The Clapper” because he can make his balls slap against his ass by swing back & forth so it makes a loud clapping sound. I don’t know how low your inhibitions have to get before you feel the need to share this talent with a group of friends, but apparently it can happen. On many occasions, so I was told. Although, this weekend, we did not get to witness his skills…. Pity…
On Sunday we headed back toward home & stopped at my mom’s house. It was Mother’s Day as well as her birthday. I had sent her flowers for Mother’s Day & I got her a picnic pack for her birthday so she can use it on her history & cemetery travels. Happy Mom Day & Birthday, mom!!!!!
It was a great weekend & we all had a fun time. Now I think we all need a couple days of rest. And my leg still fucking hurts…
Thursday, May 10, 2007 Blog much? Not really...
I haven't had much too blog about recently. Work has been a pain in the ass lately due to some bad Microsoft patches. Hopefully it will slow down soon. At home it's just been the regular household thing. And I've been playing God of War 2 on PS2 this week, so that's taken up a lot of my time.
I should have an update after the weekend. I'm going down to San Marcos, Tx this weekend for my sister-in-law's graduation. We're gonna go tubing down the Guadalupe river afterwards. Then there is Mother's Day, which also happens to be my mom's birthday.
It's gonna be a fun, but hectic weekend...
I should have an update after the weekend. I'm going down to San Marcos, Tx this weekend for my sister-in-law's graduation. We're gonna go tubing down the Guadalupe river afterwards. Then there is Mother's Day, which also happens to be my mom's birthday.
It's gonna be a fun, but hectic weekend...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 My Bloody Valentine
Happy Valentine's Day or Anti-Valentine's Day to everyone!!!!
I love you all from the bottom of my bloody heart!!
..... Camp Blood Mikey
I love you all from the bottom of my bloody heart!!
..... Camp Blood Mikey
Friday, November 03, 2006 Halloween Disaster
OK, so here is the rundown of my 2006 Halloween disaster.
Now, Halloween is my favorite holiday. I always put a lot of effort into the whole event. The weekend before, I went to Screams Haunted Houses in Waxahachie, TX which was fantastic. I was pretty sure everything was going great this season. Halloween day hits & everyone at work loves my costume & I'm told I'm sure to win, as there were very few costumes worn. I dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow & put a lot of work into the outfit & character.
Then came the contest... (Play Price is Right losing music here....)
I entered the costume contest at work & did not even make the finals. Below are the other entries.
Here's White Trash guy, who also did not make it into the finals.
It's Dolly & Kenny (who couldn't keep his moustache on)
These 2 won 3rd place (He is a director & she is the CEO's admin)
This is the CAO's admin dressed as the CAO in 2nd place.
In 1st place was a team effort for 101 Dalmations. OK, I'll give it to them. Teams always win out.
Next are some pics of my Halloween decorations at home.
Here are a couple of tin Haunted Houses that light up with tealights.
And here are my Jack-O-Lanterns ala Friday the 13th. I entered these in a carving contest, of which I didn't win or place as well....
A bloody bride at the door...
Blair Witch sticks hanging from the trees...
A view of the front door, with a demon in the window... (I'll get to the whole demon thing in a minute.)
A few more decorations in the courtyard...
So then I head home to prepare for the trick-or-treaters & my fog machine blows up. Then I only got about 8 knocks at the door all night. BUMMER! But my next door neighbor comes over with his son & procedes to tell me that my decorations are great, but the demon in the window is a "bit disconcerting..." DISCONCERTING????
I'm about to blow off his remark when he tells me that he needs my help this year to hang angels all around the neighborhood for Christmas this year, which I found a bit disconcerting. He then tells me that he needs my help because his wife is unable to help this year because she is pregnant with twins. To this I respond with congratulations. He then tells me that the twins are not theirs. I look very confused at this point, to which he explains that they are surrogating for a good friend & also adds "This sure has been a DRY SPELL for me lately." Now I'm finding the whole thing EXTREMELY DISCONCERTING!!!! The guys gonna make comments about a rubber demon in my window, then force me to hang angels & listen about how his best friend's semen was turkey-basted into his wife & how he now is going through a dry spell... What does he want from me, a handjob?
Needless to say, this Halloween was a bust & now I'm also kind of freaked by the neighbors...
Now, Halloween is my favorite holiday. I always put a lot of effort into the whole event. The weekend before, I went to Screams Haunted Houses in Waxahachie, TX which was fantastic. I was pretty sure everything was going great this season. Halloween day hits & everyone at work loves my costume & I'm told I'm sure to win, as there were very few costumes worn. I dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow & put a lot of work into the outfit & character.
Then came the contest... (Play Price is Right losing music here....)
I entered the costume contest at work & did not even make the finals. Below are the other entries.
Here's White Trash guy, who also did not make it into the finals.
It's Dolly & Kenny (who couldn't keep his moustache on)
These 2 won 3rd place (He is a director & she is the CEO's admin)
This is the CAO's admin dressed as the CAO in 2nd place.
In 1st place was a team effort for 101 Dalmations. OK, I'll give it to them. Teams always win out.
Next are some pics of my Halloween decorations at home.
Here are a couple of tin Haunted Houses that light up with tealights.
And here are my Jack-O-Lanterns ala Friday the 13th. I entered these in a carving contest, of which I didn't win or place as well....
A bloody bride at the door...
Blair Witch sticks hanging from the trees...
A view of the front door, with a demon in the window... (I'll get to the whole demon thing in a minute.)
A few more decorations in the courtyard...
So then I head home to prepare for the trick-or-treaters & my fog machine blows up. Then I only got about 8 knocks at the door all night. BUMMER! But my next door neighbor comes over with his son & procedes to tell me that my decorations are great, but the demon in the window is a "bit disconcerting..." DISCONCERTING????
I'm about to blow off his remark when he tells me that he needs my help this year to hang angels all around the neighborhood for Christmas this year, which I found a bit disconcerting. He then tells me that he needs my help because his wife is unable to help this year because she is pregnant with twins. To this I respond with congratulations. He then tells me that the twins are not theirs. I look very confused at this point, to which he explains that they are surrogating for a good friend & also adds "This sure has been a DRY SPELL for me lately." Now I'm finding the whole thing EXTREMELY DISCONCERTING!!!! The guys gonna make comments about a rubber demon in my window, then force me to hang angels & listen about how his best friend's semen was turkey-basted into his wife & how he now is going through a dry spell... What does he want from me, a handjob?
Needless to say, this Halloween was a bust & now I'm also kind of freaked by the neighbors...
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